I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
