i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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