Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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