Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
