and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
