she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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