Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and she was petting her beer can
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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