I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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