I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
