My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
