He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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