You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
