I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
