I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
