Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
