we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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