Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
