I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
