He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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