Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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