Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
