Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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