I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
