Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
