There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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