I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
