haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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