We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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