It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
