I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
