I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
