I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
