I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
