I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
