Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
