Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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