Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
