I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
