can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
