You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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