How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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