ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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