its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
