My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They took my balls.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
