Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
