Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
