But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
