i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I cut my penus on the lid.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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