The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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