Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
