i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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