So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
